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04 October 2005 @ 12:29 pm
Morning Drabble Crackers  
Six prompts from a friend, each progressively crackier as I wrote and he read.
WARNINGS for NC-17 slash in #1 and NC-17 incest in #2. The rest are just crack.

HP: Snape/Draco
Prompt: Snape deflowering Draco in the Room of Requirements during HBP.

Severus hates the boy. A weak, pale excuse of a wizard that will never become worthy of his name. But he's grown a pair and he seems so eager to learn.

The Room transforms into the Slytherin dungeons. Not the modern version, but the ones he remembers from being a student there. And there's another change in the scenery. Severus isn't the one kneeling on the stone floor, being fucked from behind. This time it's him that's forcefully pulling blond hair and feeling tightness around his cock.

He was right, Malfoy arse was tighter than any other. He always wondered.

DW: Rose/Pete Tyler (her father)
Prompt: Rose having sex with her father. (I know. Ugh.)

He reminds her of Ricky, with his too-eager thrusts and sloppy licks, trying to make the act as something more. It isn't. It never is.

She just wanted to be close to him.

When she first tried to tell him who she was, he thought she was playing. "You're a kinky one, luv. But I don't mind. Come and take it in your mouth, now," he said. "There's a good girl."

She let him fuck her any way he wanted to, as long as he said those words when he finished. And he always did, groaning and spilling in her.

HP/FF: Harry Potter, River
Prompt: Harry and River meet. Levitation occurs.

"You made Serenity fly without an engine."

"Yeah... it's... It's a spell... thing."

"I can't fly anymore. With wands made of steel, they took my dances away. With a wooden wand you make things fly, but you can't bring my dances back."

"I'm... sorry. I could charm up some music for you, if you want."

"They took your dances away, too. No needles, just veils and green light."


"We have a firefly to fly for us now. She'll fly and light the way."

"But I have to go back."

"Fly in the Black. Rest a little, before the Green."

FF/DW/ST ENT: Jayne, Vera, Doctor, T'Pol, Daleks
Prompt: Jayne and the Doctor meet. Vulkans and Daleks are a side effect.

Now, Jayne Cobb knows that there ain't nothin' that his Vera can't take out. Yet, here this funny lookin' man was, yellin' at him for no good reason at all.

"Listen, you man-ape-gone-wrong-thing, when that Dalek gets on board, no gun of yours can stop him."

What was it with doctors and them callin' him an ape?

"Jayne, I believe we should listen. The Doctor is the only one here that has encountered these... beings."

Now that T'paal chick, she was worth listenin' to. He wouldn't mind some close encounterin' either. Be he ain't leavin' Vera out of the fight.

HP/FF/ST TOS&TNG: Mal, Q, Voldemort and Kirk
Prompt: Mal and Kirk have a conversation. Q arrives with Voldemort.

Lord Voldemort was a reasonable man. Sure, he was a dark wizard, but with reasonable amounts of faith in the impossible.

Being pulled into some kind of portal and ending up wandless at a tea party, sitting on the lap of a man named Q, was not what he considered reasonable.

"You don't talk right, you know that?"

"I've been told. What was the name of your ship again? Serenity?" the shirtless man asked.

"Yeah, she's a beauty. So wait, the United Federation of Planets ain't Alliance? Enterprise sounds Alliance to me."

"Well, there is an alliance... Just..."

Not. Reasonable.

HHGTTG/FF/HP: Book, Slartibartfast, McGonagall.
Prompt: Book falls in love with an image of McGonagall while in the Total Perspective Vortex with Slartibartfast.

When Book thought about the Special Hell he always imagined it filled with people like Slartibartfast. Not that the man was especially deserving, but it was his idea that the Total Perspective Vortex might be a shortcut.

'A shortcut to where?' he thought to ask, but had no time before he was pulled into the world's *second biggest headache.

Now he was lusting after an image of a woman drinking a glass of absinthe while fighting his sudden craving for fairy cake.

He should have known trying to rebuild the Earth was a very bad idea.

*Belgium was the first.